Have you ever pooped your pants?(Mike–Phoenix, AZ)

Sorry, those records are permanently sealed.

Sometimes my poo stinks so bad that I HAVE to keep smelling it. (Eduardo–Santa Fe, NM)

That’s not a question, but we’ve all been there, done that. There’s also an element of mystery that adds to the malodorous intrigue: WHAT could I possibly have eaten that made THAT smell come out of my body? How much longer do I have to live (because I’m obviously decaying from the inside out)?

How did you draw such “interesting” poses? (Arielle–Broken Arrow, OK)

There are quite a few extremely unflattering photos I had my family take of me for reference material. The only thing keeping them from blackmailing me with the pictures is that I also managed to get everyone else in my family to pose for at least one pic. I assure you–they don’t want those pictures floating in cyberspace either.

The character in this book has five rounds. What’s the worst you’ve experienced? (Mitch–Charlotte, NC)

One year at summer camp, I got sick and blew mud 7 times in 30 minutes!

I’m pretty sure I had Satan himself crawl out of my butt after eating sugar free gummi worms. (Carlos–Athens, GA)

I hear the Vatican now recommends sugar free gummies instead of exorcisms.

Should I read this book to my kids? (Homer–San Francisco, CA)

I’m assuming you’re a guy because no mother would ask that question. My advice is to ask your wife… then duck. Then read it to them when your wife isn’t home.

Will there be a sequel? (Marisa–Raleigh, NC)

You mean like “Horton Smells a Poo”?